So far motherhood has been a completely thankless job. Not that I am keeping track, but Samara has yet to personally thank me for the following:
- Use of my body to both MAKE HER DAMN SELF and provide food.
- Failure to sleep for 5 months.
- Failure to sleep past 6:45am for her entire life.
- Lack of knowledge about weekends.
- Not being able to babysit herself so that Dave and I can enjoy a damn night out.
There are more items, but like I said, I’m not keeping track. I suspect Dave hasn’t been personally thanked for any of his contributions either.
But there is one night were the tables are turned. One night where I can take complete advantage of Samara and GET. MY. PAYBACK.
Samara can’t eat candy, but I can. And I can’t go trick-or-treating, but Samara can. And such begins the parasitic relationship of Samara getting all the candy and Dave and I eating it after she goes to bed. Enter cute costume sure to please all!
The first house was a complete failure. The lady gave us a handful of dimes. Who gives a baby a bunch of coins? I haven’t been trick-or-treating in a good 15-17 years, but back when I was banging this sort of behavior would not be acceptable.
Things could only get better. Residents would hold our a bowl of candy and suggest Samara take her pick. Of course she had no idea what to do, so I would make make comments like, “Oh maybe she can try a KitKat?” or, “I think she’d enjoy a York Peppermint Patty!”. Suckers.
In the end, we did allow her to try 1/32nd of a York Peppermint Patty. As for the rest, Samara was out like a light at 7:30pm and we feasted on the bounty. Payback tasted so, so sweet.